Month: November 2017

Is it that the intense days have forced me to live in the present, and I have lost track of time? It seems a short while ago that I gave my final exam for Into to the Old Testament. Actually, it is this benchmark that makes me realize how much time has passed, because I only submitted my grades today, almost 4 weeks later (we are allowed 3 weeks for grading as there is no break between the blocks or terms). I did communicate to my students prior to the end of the standard grading time and explain that my designated time for grading was lost due to my mother’s death. A few students responded with compassionate words.

Now, I am tired. While I have a lighter teaching load this block (second half of fall semester), it includes a new course prep (mission history) and adapting my Hebrew course for Swedish terms and less instruction time (and my Hebrew is a bit rusty after focusing on Swedish). There is still the Bible school and 2 other reading courses that will be mostly guiding students with developing their papers and grading.

Since I left, there have been 3 other colleagues who have had in-law parents or grandparents die. So, quite a bit of loss for a small school.

I returned to a lot of chaos and change. The chaos is partly due to the demolition of the basement after the sewage back up last month. There was jackhammering to remove the concrete floor most of the time I was away, but it continued through today. I hope they are done soon. Some of the other chaos and change is due to the end of the remodeling and moving in of the EFS staff. The EFS owns Johannelund, and for a cost savings measure, they moved into our campus: no more food service, the library moved (and has a smaller footprint), many colleagues moved offices, etc. I came back to a new network printing system (instructions in Swedish, but fortunately Elin gave me an English tutorial); a new mail room; new staff kitchen (no signs yet, except for garbage, recycle, and compost). I feel a bit like a guest in my home. I don’t know all these people, and right now while tired and grieving, I’m not really up for meeting new colleagues in Swedish. With all of this magnified by the cold and the dark, I’m trying to avoid a funk by being intentionally grateful. Sometimes, I manage.

So, I am grateful for you, my family and friends, who keep in touch. I am grateful for water, drinkable from the tap and warm within a few seconds. I am grateful that my needs are met with plenty more. We don’t have Thanksgiving here, and Anya has been too stressed to repeat her Thanksgiving dinner on the ping pong table this year, however, I will practice being thankful.

With blessings,

Beth

I arrived safely home without any flight problems. I have things to reflect upon and pictures to share, but because I am behind in grading, they will have to wait.

Please remember to keep my Dad in prayer, as we continue to grieve the loss of my mother. And then, perhaps add a word for my grading in Swedish while jet-lagged!

With blessings,

Beth

 

Mom passed away this morning at 12:49 AM, Sunday, Nov. 12, surrounded by Dad; my sister, Elenn; and me. The final days were filled with love, comfort, and peace. Earlier in the evening, we had a visit from my brother, and my sister, Faith, was able to say goodbye over the phone from San Diego (she spent 8 days here last month), and Anya said goodbye over the phone from Sweden.

She leaves a life-giving legacy of love for Jesus, a passion for life-long learning, a deep appreciation of other cultures, a spirit of service, an abundance of generosity (evidenced by all the direct mail appeals! Her name must be on every non-profit fund-raising mailing list!), and a zeal for adding “-ly” when words are in adverbial form.

Thank you for all your prayers. It was a blessing to spend these past 5 days with her.

With blessings,

Beth

Every hospice story is different. Mom’s story is much different than Eric’s. While there are things in common, the differences are great.

I’m staying in her room and spending the nights as well. I’m learning the techniques to get her to swallow a small spongefulls of fluids without coughing or aspirating. Her nutrient intake these past two days is negligent. Her fluid intake is not enough to sustain her for much longer. I can get about 4-5 spongefulls max at a time before Mom won’t continue to take more.

On Wednesday, Mom wasn’t hungry, so we stopped the spoonfulls of a nutrient-enriched dessert. Yesterday early morning, Mom was chewing on the sponge, so I asked her if she wanted something to eat. I heard a pretty clear, “Yah.” We got about 3 small spoons of nutrition in her, but then she was done and having difficulty swallowing without choking with the thicker, more viscous fluid.

She likes her hair brushed and I can give her mini-facials and hand massages with a warm washcloth and moisturizing lotion. It is wonderful to see her smile with the comfort of the warm washcloth.

My sister, Elenn, arrived from Michigan yesterday evening. As a physician, her medical expertise is welcome. Earlier in the day, Dad and I were asked by the nurse whether we thought that morphine or Ativan would be the best med to help Mom with her discomfort. Dad was uncomfortable with the morphine use, so I suggested Ativan. I don’t even know this drug by this name. but the nurse described it as an anti-anxiety med, and later I looked it up and realized I know it as lorazepam from days with Eric. Later, Elenn relayed that this was the better choice as morphine can slow down the bowels, which we are trying to avoid.

Later, the morphine was given, so while Mom was comfortable through a procedure, it meant that Mom was still medicated and not alert when Elenn arrived. Mom started perking up a bit before she went to sleep.

Dad is exhausted, and fortunately the roll-a-way bed provides a reasonable place for him to nap a couple times during the day. I’m also napping during the day, as I have the night shift. Coming from Sweden, I’m halfway on the night shift timezone anyway. With an eyemask and earplugs, I’m getting a reasonable amount of sleep.

The focus is on comfort for Mom, so I try to swab her mouth every 20-30 minutes and see if I can get a spongefull or several spongefulls of water in her.

Anya is quite stressed with some papers due and the studying with only 1 week to go now before exams. Please keep her in your prayers, especially at this stressful time when I can’t support her well. We have some Face-time, video chats, but it is not like being there. Then the freezer stopped due to accumulation of ice. I didn’t have the time to defrost it before I left. So, the water running on the floor added to the stress. Thanks to Donna and Lennart, friends from church, who came to help with the clean up.

Finally, I relay the travel complications to Duluth and the kindness of a stranger.

I had been able to use frequent flier miles on Delta, which is the only commercial airline that flies to Duluth. The frequent flier award only gave me first class tickets, but at least I had enough miles. I stayed in the Boston airport overnight, as I had planned a 3:55 check-in/drop bag time. It didn’t make sense to get a hotel. At 2:55 am, the Delta app sent me a notification that my flight’s departure would be delayed 2 hours. This would mean that I would not make the connecting flight to Duluth. Delta only flies twice a day to Duluth, and the afternoon flight would get me there 6 hours later. I could rent a car for 10 days for a reasonable amount and be there in less than 3 hours. But the Delta agent said that she could route me though Detroit and still make the Duluth flight, albeit with about 45 minutes to transfer in Detroit and only a 30-minute connection time in Minneapolis. She recommended that I take my rolling suitcase on board, as it was within the size limitations; it most likely would not make the 2 adjoining short connections with me. I had planned to check it, because my back has been a little sore, and it lightens the load. At least it was a bag that could be brought on board. I had thought of bringing a bigger bag to haul a few more things back to Sweden.

The tight connection time in Detroit meant that I was one of the last to get on the plane. I had asked for a seat close to the front, so that I could get out quickly and make the next very short connection time in Minneapolis. When I tried to put the wheelie suitcase in an overhead bin, all the bins in the front of the plane were full. I could only find space 5 rows behind me. I knew that going against the exiting flow to get my bad during unloading would be very difficult and time consuming, so during the flight, I asked a flight attendant for help. She was looking for space in the bins around my seat–which I was unsuccessful finding–when my seatmate said that he would take his bag down and put it under the seat in front of him. Yes, Minnesota nice. He gave up legroom for a complete stranger. I thanked him as much as I could without sounding unhinged. I responded beyond that with my quiet prayers of blessing for him.

Then, I saw he was checking the weather in Duluth. Yes, he was going to Duluth too. Because he travels a lot for business, he knows the airport well. I asked him if it would be OK to tag along to find the next gate. He welcomed me. He even got my wheelie bag down from the overhead bin as we departed. What a Providential seatmate!

We walked fast from one end of the airport (G2 gate) to almost the exact opposite wing (B16). He commented that he doesn’t run anymore, but if he misses the flight, he just rents a car. Then he remarked that I walked faster than he did. I relayed that my mom is on her death bed, so I’m really hoping to catch this flight. Yes, Minnesota kindness without pity. We made it to the flight! I didn’t see him at the departure, but I am grateful for the generosity (giving up leg room) and helpfulness from a stranger, Tom from Duluth.

So, today, I am grateful for the kindness of others, Tom, Donna, Lennart, and the gracious staff here, (though I have mentally ranked the most to least helpful aids). Tonight, I’m grateful for the aid named Jenn, who is very diligent and kind.

With blessings,

Beth

I am now in Duluth with my mother.

First news of my mother, then the travel challenges and blessings getting here.

My mother is in hospice care at a nursing home that she moved into a few weeks ago after being discharged from a rehab center (from her fall down the stairs and broken fibula and tiba mid August). Mom recognized me with a smile, and I recognized the Tarangire Safari Lodge T-shirt she was wearing (one of my favorite places in the world!).

We can get some smiles and fewer understandable words. We’ve figured out a sign for wanting lip balm, but most of the communication is trying to figure it out. Yesterday, Dad and I arrived about noon. Dad and I fed mom some enriched ice-cream-like dessert. She had about half of it over the afternoon. We add water either by a little sponge or the tip of a straw releasing a bit of water held in by the vacuum from our finger at the other end. The challenge is to know how much to give as her body is slowing way down. She went to the hospital 1.5 weeks ago for being severely dehydrated. She is still not well hydrated, so I continue with the little sponges in what seems to be a reasonable frequency, but I’m not quite sure.

Generally, Mom is peaceful and comfortable. There are some basic discomforts of dry lips and mouth that I keep attending to. I found some special lotion and gave a bit of a face and hand massage. I gently brushed out some snarls in her hair, as I told stories of my memories of her brushing my hair in Hong Kong. The rule was, then, that you could only say ouch 2 times. On the third ouch, she would quit. However, I remember saying the 3 ouch once. I didn’t go to school with only 1 pig tail though. She took compassion on me a 5 or 6-year-old. I think she would not have for my older sisters who were more capable in doing their own hair. Her smiles and sighs of satisfaction are some of her strongest communication tools.

I face-timed (video chat on iPhones) with my two sisters. Elenn, in Michigan has been here at least 3 times in the 3 months, and she’ll come again on Thursday or Friday. Her physician expertise is only a text or phone call away. Faith was here from San Diego for 8 days last month and gave a huge amount of support for Dad.

I spent the night here, and a roll-a-way bed was made available, which was better than my first attempt to sleep in the arm chairs. I’m still jetlagged, so I’m going to take the night shift as Dad and I will start the vigil. I don’t want her to be alone.

This morning, I showed some pictures of Sweden and Norway on my laptop. She seems to enjoy the pictures. I just raised Mom’s hospital bed and put her glasses on her so she can see the beautiful sunrise out the window.

She has a nice view of woods and a peek of Lake Superior in the 3-year-old Benedictine health care center that is just 1 mile from my parents’ home. Dad will come today, and I’ll do some work by email and grade some papers.

Time for a nap. More later.

With blessings,

Beth

 

The past week has been full.

In addition to teaching, I gave one final exam and one mid-term (for the Hebrew course that is going “half speed”). The last day of Intro to the Old Testament included a “Gallery,” where student had 4 minutes to present their creative interpretation—after completing 10 steps in traditional inductive exegetical methods. It was fun, with a wonderful representation of many different ways of expressing an interpretation, including, music composition, Lego dioramas, paintings, photography, PowerPoints, plaster face masks, poetry, drama, food, and interpretive sign language (of Hannah’s song celebrating her pregnancy by a woman 8 months pregnant!). A couple were over the top amazing video animations! It was celebratory, exciting, and at times funny. Here are some examples.

Video animation link (2:15) Totally worth the 2 and a quarter minutes, even if your don’t understand Swedish!

It took extra work, but it was worth it!

I had notified my boss over the weekend that I was trying to arrange an extended time after the conference in Boston (16-21 Nov) that I had planned to attend since last spring. However, the days after the conference are American Thanksgiving time. There were no plane tickets available for rescheduling, even with all the first class tickets I checked. Then on Monday, the email came stating that my mother was declining fast. By Tuesday, she was no longer speaking. On Wednesday, I talked with my boss about leaving early. My colleague, with whom I’m co-teaching a course, was gracious to rework the schedule and flip our teaching times, after I discovered that I could arrange my ticket to fly out earlier. So, then there was the flurry of trying to prepare everything before I left for Oslo for the weekend. It is wonderful to be part of a compassionate community. My colleagues were encouraging me to go and not worry about things, as they shared hugs and even tears.

I decided to keep the plans to go to Oslo this weekend, because Anya was coming along. It is impossible to make every right decision, but I know that it was important to have this time together, as this last year before she goes off to university.

We arrived on Friday, and we walked through the city center, through some interesting places and stores, and on to the harbor. (Norway is expensive, so we aren’t doing a lot of shopping.) We ascended the amazing Oslo Opera and Ballet House. It is a white marble mountain that arises out of the water.

On Saturday, I walked 32 minutes to Menighetsfakultet (“MF”), or the Oslo University theological faculty, for the seminar.

I presented half of what I presented at Lund University, a bit tailored for this context. The response was actually better than I expected, in comparison with Lund. The one guy who was pretty harsh at my mid-way evaluation was first to compliment my approach for integrating western traditional methods with other ways of knowing in a cogent framework. Another reflected that I am laying out what they are now expecting to be wrestling with in the next generation of biblical studies.

Tomorrow, Anya and I fly back to Uppsala. I will prepare for travel to the USA on Monday morning, and try to grade as many papers as possible in the limited time. I hope to avoid carrying about a ream’s worth of papers to grade to and from USA.

Please add a little prayer for a gracious transition for my mom in her last days on this side of eternity with Jesus and comfort for my dad.

With blessings,

Beth