2017.11.10: The kindness of others

Every hospice story is different. Mom’s story is much different than Eric’s. While there are things in common, the differences are great.

I’m staying in her room and spending the nights as well. I’m learning the techniques to get her to swallow a small spongefulls of fluids without coughing or aspirating. Her nutrient intake these past two days is negligent. Her fluid intake is not enough to sustain her for much longer. I can get about 4-5 spongefulls max at a time before Mom won’t continue to take more.

On Wednesday, Mom wasn’t hungry, so we stopped the spoonfulls of a nutrient-enriched dessert. Yesterday early morning, Mom was chewing on the sponge, so I asked her if she wanted something to eat. I heard a pretty clear, “Yah.” We got about 3 small spoons of nutrition in her, but then she was done and having difficulty swallowing without choking with the thicker, more viscous fluid.

She likes her hair brushed and I can give her mini-facials and hand massages with a warm washcloth and moisturizing lotion. It is wonderful to see her smile with the comfort of the warm washcloth.

My sister, Elenn, arrived from Michigan yesterday evening. As a physician, her medical expertise is welcome. Earlier in the day, Dad and I were asked by the nurse whether we thought that morphine or Ativan would be the best med to help Mom with her discomfort. Dad was uncomfortable with the morphine use, so I suggested Ativan. I don’t even know this drug by this name. but the nurse described it as an anti-anxiety med, and later I looked it up and realized I know it as lorazepam from days with Eric. Later, Elenn relayed that this was the better choice as morphine can slow down the bowels, which we are trying to avoid.

Later, the morphine was given, so while Mom was comfortable through a procedure, it meant that Mom was still medicated and not alert when Elenn arrived. Mom started perking up a bit before she went to sleep.

Dad is exhausted, and fortunately the roll-a-way bed provides a reasonable place for him to nap a couple times during the day. I’m also napping during the day, as I have the night shift. Coming from Sweden, I’m halfway on the night shift timezone anyway. With an eyemask and earplugs, I’m getting a reasonable amount of sleep.

The focus is on comfort for Mom, so I try to swab her mouth every 20-30 minutes and see if I can get a spongefull or several spongefulls of water in her.

Anya is quite stressed with some papers due and the studying with only 1 week to go now before exams. Please keep her in your prayers, especially at this stressful time when I can’t support her well. We have some Face-time, video chats, but it is not like being there. Then the freezer stopped due to accumulation of ice. I didn’t have the time to defrost it before I left. So, the water running on the floor added to the stress. Thanks to Donna and Lennart, friends from church, who came to help with the clean up.

Finally, I relay the travel complications to Duluth and the kindness of a stranger.

I had been able to use frequent flier miles on Delta, which is the only commercial airline that flies to Duluth. The frequent flier award only gave me first class tickets, but at least I had enough miles. I stayed in the Boston airport overnight, as I had planned a 3:55 check-in/drop bag time. It didn’t make sense to get a hotel. At 2:55 am, the Delta app sent me a notification that my flight’s departure would be delayed 2 hours. This would mean that I would not make the connecting flight to Duluth. Delta only flies twice a day to Duluth, and the afternoon flight would get me there 6 hours later. I could rent a car for 10 days for a reasonable amount and be there in less than 3 hours. But the Delta agent said that she could route me though Detroit and still make the Duluth flight, albeit with about 45 minutes to transfer in Detroit and only a 30-minute connection time in Minneapolis. She recommended that I take my rolling suitcase on board, as it was within the size limitations; it most likely would not make the 2 adjoining short connections with me. I had planned to check it, because my back has been a little sore, and it lightens the load. At least it was a bag that could be brought on board. I had thought of bringing a bigger bag to haul a few more things back to Sweden.

The tight connection time in Detroit meant that I was one of the last to get on the plane. I had asked for a seat close to the front, so that I could get out quickly and make the next very short connection time in Minneapolis. When I tried to put the wheelie suitcase in an overhead bin, all the bins in the front of the plane were full. I could only find space 5 rows behind me. I knew that going against the exiting flow to get my bad during unloading would be very difficult and time consuming, so during the flight, I asked a flight attendant for help. She was looking for space in the bins around my seat–which I was unsuccessful finding–when my seatmate said that he would take his bag down and put it under the seat in front of him. Yes, Minnesota nice. He gave up legroom for a complete stranger. I thanked him as much as I could without sounding unhinged. I responded beyond that with my quiet prayers of blessing for him.

Then, I saw he was checking the weather in Duluth. Yes, he was going to Duluth too. Because he travels a lot for business, he knows the airport well. I asked him if it would be OK to tag along to find the next gate. He welcomed me. He even got my wheelie bag down from the overhead bin as we departed. What a Providential seatmate!

We walked fast from one end of the airport (G2 gate) to almost the exact opposite wing (B16). He commented that he doesn’t run anymore, but if he misses the flight, he just rents a car. Then he remarked that I walked faster than he did. I relayed that my mom is on her death bed, so I’m really hoping to catch this flight. Yes, Minnesota kindness without pity. We made it to the flight! I didn’t see him at the departure, but I am grateful for the generosity (giving up leg room) and helpfulness from a stranger, Tom from Duluth.

So, today, I am grateful for the kindness of others, Tom, Donna, Lennart, and the gracious staff here, (though I have mentally ranked the most to least helpful aids). Tonight, I’m grateful for the aid named Jenn, who is very diligent and kind.

With blessings,

Beth