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Two weeks ago, I was in the thick of my PhD defense. I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on the journey.
God’s Providence
Throughout my PhD journey, God’s hand of Providence has been amazing. The most important has been an advisor, Knut, who was perfect for my project. He is a leader in the sub-discipline of intercultural biblical interpretation, then narrowed to the Old Testament, then narrowed to Africa, then narrowed to interested in research with the Maasai, and then narrowed to a school with socialized (i.e., affordable) education. His prestigious and generous Norwegian Research Grant also rallied a scholarly conversations and helped to secure a research fellowship for 6 months while in Norway from Misjonshøgskolen. I could go on with so many other details where it seemed that God aligned the stars just for me, however, I would overwhelm you to boredom.
Support of friends and family
The PhD journey is crazy in many ways. It seems at times very self-focused: my research, my writing, my travels, my, my, my! While it was important (and Providential) to speed up the rate of completion and shifting from part-time to full-time, it was frustrating that I wasn’t able to balance more with serving others, especially my students at Trinity. So, I’m trying to find a balance now.
One other aspect of the long, plodding process of writing is the thousand, daily self-doubts. Did I understand this author? Did I interpret him/her adequately? What key sources am I missing? How will I know if I’m missing them? Did I cite this properly? Am I writing with enough analysis beyond descriptions? How could my defense committee members criticize this, then how do I pre-emptively correct it? Does this make sense? Do I have anything to contribute? And on, and on! I always knew that I wasn’t the brightest one on this journey. I joked that Knut’s other PhD student, Tina, was the intelligent one; I just was going to make it through by being the diligent one. It is a long, long struggle of just keeping on keeping on. (Yes, I did some comfort-eating in the intense writing phase, and I think I gained about 5 pounds!)
However, there were gracious friends who cared for me, prayed for me, and listened to me. It really does take a village. I am so grateful.
On May 4, the day after my defense, I awoke with tremendous joy. Later in the morning, it moved into grieving, knowing that I would be saying goodbye to the special friends in Sandnes/Stavanger who have been so kind, gracious, and hospitable. Before, when I was leaving, I always knew I would be back there. While there is a good chance I’ll be back, there is no plan already in the works. Sigh!
Knut took me out to lunch on my last full day in Norway (May 4). He took me to the same Chinese restaurant where he brought me on the first day I arrived in early January 2012. It was like bookends to my PhD! (An inclusio for those who know literary devices!) He debriefed the comments from the defense and helped to guide the revision objectives in order to prepare my dissertation for publication. He has even offered–but also encouraged me not to be limited to–publishing in the series he edits for the New York based Peter Lang Publishers. Because he will be able to negotiate for additional copies to be printed for African theological libraries, this makes good sense to me. (Being published in a series is also a benefit, as libraries will be more likely to purchase them.) So, this offer for publishing was icing on the cake!
I spent the afternoon with Marta, who hosted the celebration the previous night in her home. We just wanted time to talk. God knit Marta’s and my hearts together. It was a deep and rich conversation, but this also segues into the next reflection.
New friends who don’t know Eric
I realized that all my Norwegian friends (and recently made friends at home) never met Eric, so there is this gap in understanding regarding this huge aspect of my life. Many seem hesitant to ask about anything that would refer to Eric or how his passing (in 2010) affects my life now. Sometimes I bring up stories or memories about him that are relevant to the conversation, but few will ask anything more. After we move to Sweden, again no one will have a point of reference regarding my life with Eric.
However, Marta gave me the gift of asking about Eric and listening deeply. We sat with tea and leftover cake and talked and talked. There were no tears this time, and most often there aren’t, as the grieving has been mostly done. Marta brought Eric to life again in memories.
Other grieving
Last Saturday, May 7, was the closing of Trinity Lutheran College, my alma mater, and previous place of employment both as staff and faculty. All together, I spent 25 years–almost half my life–connected to that school. There was a palpable sense of grief for most. And while it was a loss, I had done most of my grieving last year when discerning that it was time to say goodbye and set my face to Uppsala. I was able to enjoy the zillion hugs that day from former students, alumni, former colleagues, and board members. I saw wonderful people who were part of half of my life. It was unfortunate circumstances, but I was grateful for the chance to see so many friends, as I just returned from Norway 2 days previously, and soon (OK, this fall) I’ll be taking off for Sweden.
The next post describes life between now and Sweden.
With blessings,
Beth